Do you want healthier relationships? How are your relationships affecting your well-being?
Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives. Sometimes the success of an entire day can be determined by how we perceive our relationships are going that day.
Many us want healthier relationships because relationships affect us every day, whether it’s with a friend, family or at work with colleagues.
How many times have you ended a day feeling upset and frustrated with a relationship wishing someone could just change?
One of the greatest benefits of coaching is that your relationship with yourself and others consistently improve as your awareness expands.
When you start to open up to different ways of relating to yourself and others, your relationships change into healthier relationships.
In my experience we all have some tendency to hold on to our own opinion which then creates tension in our relationships.
In many relationships at work or with family there is an underlying sense of competition on who’s going to have the last say. I can personally recall many times where this has been quite a struggle.
It’s very easy to fall into the right/wrong discussion and then walk away with no sensation of resolution.
If you experience this type of polar opposite dynamic in your relationships it can eventually lead to an unhealthy situation with escalating frustration.
You may focus on what’s not happening, or just feel like you’re the victim of the situation with very little sense of hope that things can change.
We experience our life as separate and alongside someone else’s life, unless our awareness expands beyond right and wrong.
Through private coaching sessions you have the possibility to go through the experience of expanding your awareness.
When you expand your awareness your relationships will expand too.
Imagine to get unstuck in a relationship (it may be the relationship with yourself!) and go from “I am the way I am...” to “I can choose who I want to be…” in this relationship.
This is an experience that is very empowering and it’s fundamental to creating healthier relationships.
The key here is to start viewing relationships as unlimited teaching and learning opportunities.
It is very different from how most of us are taught to relate to others which is often based on a “me and my life” separate from each other vs. “our life as one”.
What if you could relate to someone else as your personal teacher at all times (even when things are not going as well)?
Personally, my most challenging relationships both at work and family have taught me the most profound insights about myself and what I need to learn more about in my own life.
It’s sometimes very difficult to see the benefit in moments of conflict, or during a heated argument, but in hindsight I can clearly see why these relationships showed up exactly when they did, and turned out the way it did.
The power of relating to others as our teacher is that we can then allow ourselves to always be in a state of curious learning, no matter how much friction there is within the relationship.
Bottom line is that there’s always something to learn for both individuals in every moment, instead of one always having to be right.
Healthier relationships shows up when you treat others as your teacher in spirit of being curious.
Wonder about what you can learn from every person you meet. Often our relationship challenges shine light on what our blocks are.
Your relationships are expressions of how you relate to yourself.
That leads me to the topic of how many women I speak with want to feel more present with other people including their children, spouses, friends and colleagues.
For many this is costing them their well-being and fueling anxiety, guilt and worry not only within themselves but also within relationships.
Our lives get more and more involved and complex, and with that often comes a lifestyle of multitasking and pushing ahead.
Rarely do we stop and appreciate what we have, or who we are with.
If you want healthier relationships you want to put your attention and awareness to the relationship.
Relationships get strained when the focus is not on the relationship.
There may be a whole host of reasons for not investing the time to truly connect. The truth is however that we are responsible for our part of the relationship.
It’s so much easier to blame someone else. But we need to take the responsibility to create the relationship we want through real, true connections that matter to us.
So, if you experience friction and frustration in a relationship or feel that it’s difficult to stay present to fully participate and do your part.
Where on your internal priority list does this relationship fall?
For me, I honestly can say that for me work gets high up on the list of what I spend my attention on. Relationships often comes second and that is something I’m working on to change constantly.
What is the one little step you could take to elevate your part of your relationships?
Here are three essential reminders that I use instantly when I run into a challenging time or a rough patch in a relationship, whether it’s professionally or with family.
1) Feel the struggle the other person is going through.
- If you are frustrated with someone it’s likely that you will keep focusing on the frustrating part that this person is doing, not the positive part of the relationship.
- What if you could decide to shift in the moment to being that person, just for 30 seconds. Feeling the feelings of that person the way you experience them?
- What happens is that you can FEEL their struggle – you can relate to the other person through your feelings.
- When we relate we activate compassion and we create a healthier relationship.
- It’s hard to stay frustrated when we feel compassion.
2) Desire the experience of the relationship, rather than an ultimate ideal image.
- If you’re overloaded with responsibilities at work or at home it’s natural to go on autopilot wanting to jump to the end result. It’s the same with a relationship. If you’re overloaded with routine, same patterns and habits within the relationship you’re on autopilot.
- If you truly want to shift to being more present in this moment with someone, whether it’s with your child, or your spouse you’d have to break the cycle of the autopilot feeling.
- How do you do that?
- Basically creativity is the answer. The courage to step out of the routine, the same old pattern, is what it takes.
- The second you’d invite your creativity to lead instead of thinking about how it should be, you’re inviting the experience over prioritizing the end result.
3) Resist the urge to fix, to create healthier relationships make space for change through awareness, love and trust.
- We are all wired to fix, to get from A to B quickly, even when it comes to relationships.
- When we want others to change we often offer advise on what to do, because we may have experienced the same thing.
- Often well meant advise is leading nowhere for the other person. Why?
- Change happens ONLY when someone feel that there is a better alternative. Someone can truly embrace change only when the alternative becomes totally clear to them in their world view. In their own awareness.
- So instead of offering advise, create space for the other person to change, all by themselves.
- Ask questions. What if there was another way of looking at it, what would it be?
- Stay curious, engaged, offering the opportunity to change. Then leave the space open for the other person to evolve.
Start today to revisit your relationships and welcome a new vibe within yourself about them. Get curious and open up to different ways to relate to yourself and others.
The awareness shift in you could affect your well-being for the better, but also your relationships and people around you.
How can you expand your awareness to go beyond right and wrong to create healthier relationships?
How can you start to look for the opportunity to learn something from every relationship?